Hold On IV

If you’d asked me eighteen months ago
I’m sure I would have married you
And I’m not the kind of girl
To give her heart away
But you’d had it so long anyway

If I met myself ten years ago
I’d find a way to let her know
How absolutely perfect
She already was

That she shouldn’t try to change herself
Just to please somebody else
That she doesn’t need to do the things
She thinks she does

I would tell her not to spend her life
Trying so damn hard to make things right
When what was wrong
Was too far gone
To start with

That her love for him was very real
But it’s something he would never feel
That he’s not the man she’s meant
To share her heart with

I would do my best to tell her how
Things look so very different now
That I’ve moved on and
Time has gone by

That she’d see how far apart they’d grown
That she’d be all right out on her own
That one day she would find her wings
And fly

I know things now I didn’t then
Though I couldn’t tell you where or when
I learned to tell the difference
Between loving you
And wanting you
And needing you

I traded who I was
For someone I thought you would love
For just a fraction of myself
I wasn’t whole
I starved my soul
For want of feeding you

We’re attached but not connected
And each time I’ve been rejected
I have lost a little
Cried a little
Tried a little harder
To be good enough

I’ve been playing house with no one home
Living with you all alone
With nothing left to call my own
I gave you all I had
And it wasn’t good enough

You only want me when I’m broken
You only need me when I’m weak
And all the words you’ve never spoken
Say more than I could ever speak

I’ll hold on
To whatever I can
Anything’s better than nothing
I’ll hold on
For whatever it’s worth
For whatever I’m worth
And that’s nothing

I am beside myself with grief
You are beside me but not with me
I search my heart for some release
I wonder if you’ll even miss me

I know I’m a complicated woman
And I know you won’t ever understand

You say that you love me
When I think that we both know
You don’t know just who I am

I look at all that’s done and said
I see the point of no return
I think before I come to bed
That I had better come to terms with it

That the hardest part of all
Is that you really do love me
In your way you love me
But not the way I need

And I only have myself to blame
I’ve been holding on to what will never be
And things will always be the same
Just another variation on an old familiar theme

(Hold On instrumental theme)

I held on
For as long as I could
I thought anything was better than nothing
I held on
For all that I was worth
For so long I thought
That I was worth nothing

But I held on
I held on
I held on
I held on

I have to find my way
Tightrope jump
Seasons change

I held on so long
Why I will never know
I love you with all my heart
But I have to let you go